Ten Swords For Solace
by The-Xenocide
Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother’s lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.
1. Lullaby of the Fang

_**Ten Swords for Solace**_  
**A Xenocide Production**

AN: I once thought about writing something when Jiraiya died. I think I actually have something written down here somewhere. It galled me and heartened me both that Kishimoto had no fear of killing off some major characters. This is a series of short insights to Kakashi's character. What makes him tick, how he thinks, what he feels behind that mask of his. There will be ten of them, eventually. I only write them when inspired or feel like I'm in the appropriate mindset.

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

* * *

Hatake Sakumo was a respected shinobi, feared throughout the Elemental Countries, even by his village at times. He was silent, swift, and deadly. Every motion, every action, every deed was performed with the utmost efficiency unto perfection. Konohagakure held him in such high esteem that only the Three Sannin themselves commanded more respect.

Children fought over the honor of being his namesake in mock battles that culminated in the massacre of entire enemy villages in the dusty streets and grassy courtyards.

His colleagues admired him and modeled their actions to reflect his, striving for that unattainable perfection that only Sakumo could achieve and radiate.

His superiors were proud that they owned such a fine weapon, a White Fang they could wield in defense of their home and to the envy of their enemies.

But despite this honor, despite the praise and adulation, and despite the fact that he was very nearly pressured by various factions to seek the tri-cornered hat and robes of the highest office, Sakumo was a gentle and humble man.

He was prone to laughing loudly and often. He always told the worst of jokes, and though they garnered more groans than laughs, he would roar in laughter at them.

Sakumo loved to cook and could been seen many a night conspiring with a young Akimichi Chouza to create the finest spread the Akimichi had ever had the pleasure to taste or view. Akikio, Chouza's mother, schemed with the rest of the clan matriarchs to marry him to a young Akimichi woman, if only to obtain his valuable orange little cookbook that he kept close to his heart at all times.

He married a poor, young flowergirl named Ran. He had often spied her selling her lilies in the marketplace next to the Hokage's tower and became entranced with her doll-like beauty and nightraven hair. He wooed her with daisies and bad puns, stopping each day by her booth to present her his hard-sought prize and flash a smile. Ran grew to love this gentle man, but her eyes darkened whenever they saw the hilt of that sword jutted over his shoulder. Sakumo saw these looks and swore upon his name that if she would only marry him, he'd lay down his sword.

So she did.

Sakumo was reluctantly granted an early retirement in view of his extraordinary efforts in the trade route conflicts with Sunagakure. The Akimichi conceded defeat with a banquet fit for the Shogun in his lavish palace in Fire Country's capital.

A year later, she died in childbirth. In bitterest agony, he named the spindly bundle that had killed his flower Kakashi, and took his Fang as his lover.

Sakumo did not smile. Sakumo did not joke. Sakumo did not cook.

He killed. He swung his sword. He flashed his fangs.

Kakashi's first memory is that of a sword as his father wiped it clean of blood.

****

Do let me know what you think, dear readers.


	2. Baptism Through Blood

_**Ten Swords for Solace**_  
**A Xenocide Production**

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

--

The White Fang, Hatake Sakumo's weapon and name, was forged especially for him by a blacksmith in Kumogakure who owed Sakumo's long dead father a favor. Sakumo's elemental affinity was for Lightning and by using a clever twist of fuuinjutsu later to uncovered by the Toad Sage himself, a self-proclaimed Master of Seals, the smith etched a looped storage seal seared with Sakumo's own blood into the base of the tanto, where it was hidden from sight by the hilt.

In this manner, Sakumo was able to store some measure of elemental chakra, namely Lightning, in his new sword as well as use it as a conductor for his Lightning affinity, honing his weapon much like a Wind Master would and using it to direct his ninjutsu at times.

When filled to the brim with chakra, which surprisingly was barely enough to fuel some basic elemental jutsu, the sword had the odd predisposition of glowing a pearl white, falsely radiating a sense of serenity and peace.

This of course, led to his enemies naming him and his new sword the White Fang, scourge of Konoha's enemies.

The only times that Sakumo kept his sword from his side before the death of his wife was when he was off duty or bathing. Kakashi had never seen his father without that blade at his side.

Sakumo very nearly always had a hand on it and he spent hours at a time in solitude polishing the dull steel to a keen shine.

"Kakashi! Be more like this sword! Be sharp, focused, and wary!"

Kakashi came to hate that sword more than anything in the world. In the way that only small children can, Kakashi saw that the White Fang was a deep wound in his father's side, and his father only seemed intent on driving it in as far as he could.

Once, when he was five, Kakashi decided to steal his father's sword and throw it in the river that ran along the training grounds.

Perhaps if his father lost his weapon, he'd smile just once, praise his son on his hard work in becoming a warrior, and not be so intent on driving that blade deeper inside him.

He attempted to snatch it from his father's side while he was sleeping.

Sakumo came awake instantly in a cold rage, rising up from the futon like a vengeful god intent on punishing the wicked, beating Kakashi savagely with the sword sheathed in the scabbard. All Kakashi could do was curl up into a ball and discover that the color red made him sick to his stomach.

When it was over, his father stood over him with the sword upraised to strike, the black scabbard splattered with blood. He heard the sound of his son's sobbing and slowly lowered it to his side.

"Kakashi…"

Kakashi's lungs shuddered breathily, and he wailed out in pain, "I-hi h-HATE you! I h-h-HATE you and th-t-hat—"

Sakumo said not one more word. He gently lifted up his son and carried him to his room, where he bandaged his wounds and laid him to sleep.

As punishment, Kakashi was made to clean the scabbard of his own blood and polish the blade under his father's watchful eye.

He never said that he loved his father ever again.

The next week, Sakumo began to teach Kakashi how to use the Fang.

****


	3. I have no Father

_**Ten Swords for Solace  
**_**A Xenocide Production**

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

--

Sakumo had always stressed the importance of the mission to Kakashi.

"Above all else, above your own well-being, and even above your own comrades; the successful completion of the mission comes first." He would pause at this part of his daily lecture to his son and add forcefully, "Those who betray their village and their Kage are scum."

Several months after Kakashi turned 10, his father summoned him to the dojo without even bothering to change out of his field uniform upon returning from a disastrous intelligence in Ame no kuni.

Sakumo grapsed both of Kakashi's shoulders and calmly announced that he would be committing seppuku at dusk that evening. He gave no reason other than the fact that he had failed his mission and dishonored himself and his comrades in a most contemptible manner.

While seppuku was normally a samurai custom, as the ages had passed, it became acceptable an acceptable form of saving face in the shadow of dishonor.

There would be no formal witnesses and the Sandaime Hokage had agreed to act as Sakumo's second. He did not ask Kakashi to witness his death nor did Kakashi offer. The boy merely nodded solemnly. A flash of some undefinable emotion showed on his father's face at Kakashi's seeming indifference at his father's encroaching death but it vanished before he could decipher it.

The morning after, the Hokage presented Kakashi with his father's will, deeding White Fang and all of the Hatake family's possessions to his son. It was with mournful pride that the Hokage announced that Sakumo would be granted a place on the Hero's Monument.

Kakashi flatly refused this honor.

Bewildered, the Hokage asked why Kakashi was refusing his father the very least that he deserved.

The lanky man child replied simply, "My father told me that scum who failed and dishonored their village are not worthy of honor and respect."

He had forgotten his father's last words to him, as the cicada droned under the setting sun. "Those who betray their village are scum, but those who betray their comrades are worse than trash."

It would take some time before Kakashi acknowledged and understood his father's abrupt about face. It would take him even longer to forgive him for it.

****


	4. To Learn is to Teach

_**Ten Swords for Solace  
**_**A Xenocide Production**

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

* * *

Uchiha Obito and Tachibana Rin are the two people from whom he has learnt the most, second only to his teacher, the Yellow Flash.

Looking back over the successive reincarnations of Team 7, Kakashi still marvels at how much the teacher learns from his students, how much (or little) the students learn from their teacher, and how much they learn from each other.

Rin taught him to see beneath the underneath, to see beyond the superficial appearances of a person, no matter how shallow or annoying they might be. Beneath Rin's exterior of a raving Kakashi fangirl lay the heart of an intellectual, a girl who loved learning for the sake of learning, and someone who had a deep desire to take on the burdens of those around her upon herself in order to ease their pain. Rin saw that Kakashi was in pain beyond her imagining and though she may not have conciously realized it, made a decision to support him however he needed her to. Rin was the foundation of Team 7, despite her immature tendencies. She was who they came to when they had a problem, the girl who they confided in when no one else would listen to the woes of two young boys. Yes, Rin seemed simple and shallow to others, but Kakashi and Obito knew better. In later years, he always regretted not having treated her to at least one meal to satisfy her desire to be closer to him. She died on a deep infiltration mission in Suna, her body left to rot in the endless dunes of the desert.

Obito taught him the importance of comradeship and the love a friend can have for another. In the beginning, Kakashi hated Obito and all that he stood for. He was lazy, insubordinate, undisciplined, weak, and completely undeserving of the Uchiha name. He was everything that Kakashi could not and would not be, and Kakashi despised him for having that freedom. Kakashi was bound by the chains of honor and duty while Obito acted as if he were freer than the leaves that floated on the breeze. Obito's greatest strength was his love for his friends and his team. He privately promised himself that he would fight with every ounce of his strength to see them home safely, even if it meant Obito himself did not come home at all. Obito, for all his weaknesses and faults, was the one to teach Kakashi the meaning of friendship and how the bonds you form with your friends are more important than your duty to your mission.

From Kakashi, the two learned that duty and honor weren't just words spoken as excuses for cowardice or defenses against living life fully and freely. They learned patience from watching him polish White Fang, where the tiniest slip of the hand could ruin the bright sheen of the blade. Kakaskhi took great pride in being precise, efficient, and ruthlessly calculating. While Rin and Obito could not fathom living their lives in a such a cold and, to their eyes, dull manner, they somehow understood that being shinobi was all that Kakashi had. Kakashi dedicated his entire being to attaining the simple perfection of a blade and he did it with an undeniable passion. His teamates could not help but admire his dedication.

Konoha's four man cell concept is illustrated in Team 7 in that you come to know your teamates better than yourself, and take comfort in the fact that they know you just as well.

****


	5. Death of a Childhood

_**Ten Swords for Solace  
**_**A Xenocide Production**

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

--

Something dies in Kakashi when he watches Obito pass away with a smile on his lips. He's not sure exactly what it is but he supposes that it might have been his sanity.

Team 7 was composed of children who were forced by the circumstances of their time to fight in a war that they had no business fighting in. One could argue, and indeed many had argued, that once an aspiring shinobi had obtained Genin, they were soldiers of the Leaf, albeit absurdly young and naive soldiers.

Kakashi, like all children, could concieve of death but not truly understand it. The death of his father was simply an event to be taken in stride. It didn't touch him, not really. Death was something that touched other people and their friends and family, not his own. Children believe in their own invincibility. In a way, that makes them stronger soldiers than the ablest of Jounin. They take chances that no grown soldier would dare to take. Perhaps that is why the Hokage, for all that it was distasteful to him, ordered children to war and to their deaths.

Team 7 had seen death before. They were not unaccustomed to it. But to them, the corpses they saw were** things**, not once living, breathing human beings. An enemy ceased to be a person, worthy of regard or remembrance, once they drew a blade across his or her throat. It was very different, as Kakashi was rudely taught, when one of your comrades, your brothers, lie in the dirt spilling their life force out.

When Obito requested that Kakashi take one of his eyes, he couldn't refuse him. Had he been sane, he thinks, he would have refused flat out. Such an operation, done in the field no less, is highly dangerous. It was also forbidden by the Uchiha for anyone outside of their clan to be in posession of a Sharingan. In many cases, those who fell befoul of the Uchiha ended up with a kunai in the back. All of these sensible things that Kakashi should have been thinking about were swept aside. Nothing mattered more at this moment than keeping his friend alive. By completing this transferrence, Kakashi had a part of Obito in him. In turn, he tried to infuse his friend with as much life and hope as possible, as if gripping Obito's hand as hard as he dared and whispering through the blinding pain in his new eye that he would be all right would remove the giant stone crushing Obito to death.

For a few moments, Kakashi doesn't understand what's different about Obito. He's still smiling, still looking up at Kakashi through his empty eye socket. Then he realizes; Obito is no longer Obito. He is a corpse, a thing. Something to put out of your mind and forget.

_But this is Obito_, he thinks, _not a corpse. He's alive and smiling, constantly getting on my nerves._

Rin's loud tears and the sound of two hearts beating where there should have been three drives home the lesson that all children must learn someday: Death is very real and no one is immune to it. In that moment of realization, he hates everyone and everything associated with this war. He hates his teacher, he hates the enemy, he hates the Hokage, he hates the sword on his back. Nothing is spared from his loathing, not even himself.

Kakashi has never quite been the same since he came home without his friend. He is still an excellent shinobi. He does his village credit and is proud to be a soldier of the Leaf. But he spends most of his free time in front of the Memorial Stone, murmuring to himself or simply staring at a single name.

Kakashi has become an adult at age 13. As he grows older, he reflects that growing old is not the same as growing up.

****


	6. Lesson Not Learned

_**Ten Swords for Solace  
**_**A Xenocide Production**

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

--

The Third Hokage is quite surprised when Kakashi doesn't put up as much of a fight as he'd anticipated when he'd informed the recently retired ANBU captain that he was to be assigned a Genin squad. As a matter of fact, Kakashi put up no fight at all.

This should have raised a few flags, but Sarutobi thought nothing of it. It was well known that Kakashi had no real patience or tolerance for children and yet he'd not made one word of protest when the Hokage informed him in a firm, no nonsense tone of voice to report to the Academy the next day for his squad assignment. Kakashi stole the wind from the Hokage's sails when he meekly acquiesced. After the man had left his office, the Hokage smiled in a rueful manner to himself and commented,

"Perhaps he's finally grown up a little. He can't avoid his responsibilities forever."

Kakashi's first squad is the cream of the crop. That year's graduating class was all very, very good, having been trained by veterans of the last great shinobi conflict while it was still fresh in many minds. It was thought that Kakashi, heir to Sakumo's legacy in more ways than one, would be a fitting teacher for the best soldiers in training that Konoha had to offer.

Even now, many years later, Kakashi can't recall their names. He only remembers that one boy had a bright smile, the other boy was fond of poetry, and the girl had a sweet tooth that defied all logic. It's not that their names were hard to remember; he simply didn't care.

Buried deep within his heart was the refusal to mold another Team 7, which had seen disaster upon disaster visited upon those who bore its name within Kakashi's own generation and that of the Sannin. Therefore, he would simply fail them and spare himself the heartache of watching it all fall apart all over again.

He devised a variation of the Bell test used by his own sensei and his sensei before him. The goal, of course, was to foster teamwork. But unlike the past versions of the test, Kakashi purposefully led his students to believe that teamwork would hinder their chances of becoming full fledged shinobi. If he had learned such an important lesson at so young an age, perhaps Obito...

Those who forsake the mission are traitors and trash. But those who forsake their teammates are scum. This is a lesson that he had learned too late. If he could impart it on these children, even if they were denied the life of a shinobi, then it was worth everything.

Kakashi's first team was failed within one day of him receiving his orders. All three repeated their last year at the Academy and were placed on different teams with different sensei. When a loudmouthed blonde, a stoic Uchiha, and a lovestruck schoolgirl became his first true team, only the girl had survived to climb to Chuunin rank.

Kakashi sees her at his old ANBU haunts at least once a week and wonders if she ever learned the lesson he tried to teach her.

***


	7. Incarnate

_**Ten Swords for Solace  
**_**A Xenocide Production**

Enjoy and review…………please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

--

It is striking how much that Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Haruno Sakura seem to embody the previous members of Team 7; so much so that Kakashi was tempted to wonder if incarnation was a more viable spiritual belief than he had first thought.

The Uzumaki brat was mischief personified. He was loud, brash, somewhat dim, and overly fond of outrageous pranks. Even without the dossier provided on each of his students, Kakashi could easily recognize the signs of a child acting out for attention. Obito had done it often enough in the hopes that his family, his clan would recognize him as an Uchiha, despite his lackluster skills in manifesting and wielding the legendary Sharingan. Unlike Obito, Naruto seemed to achieve some success to that end, having formed some tentative acquaintances in his graduating class and having formed a bond with Umino Iruka, his Academy instructor, and the Sandaime Hokage. Kakashi held no particular affection for the boy, despite the fact that Naruto was his sensei's son. Mostly, he felt pity for him; a social pariah and outcast before he could even walk or form his first words. He didn't have high hopes for the boy, beyond a lifetime rank of Genin. He would teach him the basics and pray that the boy didn't get himself, or worse, his teammates killed on a future mission. Despite the overt similarities to Obito, Kakashi simply could not bring himself to empathize with Naruto. It was only with the passage of time that Naruto himself would prove to Kakashi that he was more than the pitiful ghost of a boy that should have been. On that day, Kakashi was as proud of him as any sensei could be of his student.

Haruno Sakura was a first generation shinobi, one of the rare few that decide to set their feet upon the path of the soldier. Naruto did so because it was all he had in life. Sasuke did so because without something tangible to focus on, to take hold of, he would go mad with hatred and grief. But Sakura decided to become a shinobi purely for the sake of pursuing a schoolgirl crush. If it weren't for the girl's almost absurdly brilliant mind, he would have refused to admit her to Team 7. First generation shinobi have it harder than their fellows, who have been raised in an environment of savage violence, deception, and blood since birth. The pressure to succeed, to survive becomes almost unbearable for these first generation students. Most of them are killed on one their first three missions outside of Konoha. Others break under the weight of mental stress they had not been brought up to bear. Very, very few of the survivors reach chuunin. Perhaps a handful out of several hundred reach jounin. No doubt, Sakura would have become a statistic during the mission to wave were it not for her teammates. Her obsession with Sasuke and determination to not be left behind by the two boys served to instill the serious mindset that all shinobi need to survive their harrowing career. In brilliance, determination, and sheer guts, Sakura paralleled Rin to such a degree that Kakashi had almost slipped up several times and called Sakura by the name of his dead teammate. Rin was also a first generation shinobi and surprisingly, he came to learn, she was a very, very distant cousin to the Haruno family on her mother's side. Perhaps it was not so strange to hope that this girl might succeed in holding Team 7 together where the other had failed.

In Sasuke, Kakashi beheld himself. Here was the last scion of the Uchiha house, as Kakashi was the scion of his own, and Kakashi resonated with Sasuke so vibrantly that it hurt down to the very marrow of his bones. In a way, Sasuke was not Sasuke, to Kakashi. The boy was merely a path to Kakashi's own absolution; a way to erase the sins of his past with hope for the future. In training Sasuke, in taking him under his wing like he might a nephew, or a son, Kakashi sought to be to Sasuke what Sakumo was not. Nothing mattered except training the boy, molding him to be the best he could be. At best, Sasuke would be the vessel through which Kakashi achieved forgiveness. At worst, he would become his sensei, and that was something more abhorrent to Kakashi than all of the soul-damning things he had done in the name of security and peace for his village. Kakashi would pass away, a remnant of past sorrows and horrors that deserved to fade away under the shade of the trees and the shadows of the looming buildings of Konoha. Sasuke would become who Kakashi should have been, and all would be right with the world. So he handed off Naruto to another teacher to keep him out from underfoot. He buried the girl under scrolls and books. He took the Uchiha and taught him as his own father had taught him; the many ways to kill, the manner in which to kill, and the mindset one needs to have when doing so. Sasuke would be perfect where Kakashi was not. It was not until he stood over Naruto's broken body in the cold, drenching rain that Kakashi came to the realization that he had become his father in the worst way. Blinded by hope, heartache, and fear, he had set aside everything else in his quest for absolution. In that moment, Kakashi hated himself with the cold passion that he had always reserved for his father.

In the end, this incarnation of Team 7 was no less full of promise than the previous two.

In the end, this incarnation of Team 7 was no less broken than the previous two.

In the end, Kakashi resolved to forget that he had very nearly left Naruto to die chasing forgiveness that he would never have.


	8. Hedgehog's Dilemma

_**Ten Swords for Solace**_  
A Xenocide Production

AN: My, my. It's been a long time, hasn't it, True Believers? I'm still alive and kicking. Currently searching for employment. Life is annoying like that.

Enjoy and review…please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

* * *

8. Have you ever heard of the Hedgehog's dilemma?

It states that a hedgehog, though it might desire to become closer to another hedgehog for warmth and comfort, cannot avoid both inflicting and receiving pain from the spiny quills that cover its back. That which protects the hedgehog also ends up hurting it. A hedgehog will never truly experience the intimacy and feeling of safety that comes with sharing a warm burrow with another hedgehog.

In this, humans are quite similar, though they have no physical protrusions or natural defenses that prevent them from becoming close to one another. Instead of tough skin, an imposing demeanor, or natural body armor, humans have to be wary of one another's emotions, words, and actions. The pain that can be inflicted on the physical self is as nothing compared to the savagery that humans inflict upon one another's soul, whether unintentionally or not.

For shinobi, this is something that they understand on an unconscious level. It is why shinobi rarely associate with anyone outside of their close circle of friends. Even then, it is rare for a shinobi to have close friends beyond the members of their cell and perhaps their family or clan.

They are quite aware of the risk they run to their minds and their souls when they venture out on a mission with a team, a friend, or worse, a lover. There is no mental preparation on Earth or in Heaven that can prepare a soldier for the loss of a beloved comrade. Years of training and conditioning can only soften the blow so much. It leads many shinobi to the conclusion that it is ultimately safer and less painful to simply have no friends at all. Even in Konoha, where the bonds between comrades are almost as strong as or stronger than that of any pair or trio of siblings, there are those who take solace in the solitary life.

Kakashi is one such shinobi.

He had already suffered a grievous blow to his psyche with the loss of both Obito and Rin. Even though he had become closer to them, more so than he'd ever thought it possible, there was still that sly whisper in the recesses of his mind that insisted that it was folly to let two people through the nigh impregnable defenses he'd been building ever since he was a child. Their deaths lent the whisper a mocking quality, chanting in time to Obito's rapidly fading pulse, _I told you so, I told you so_.

As with most shinobi who had suffered a loss so great, Kakashi was never quite right afterward. He became firmly convinced that human contact of any sort was a mistake that he'd never commit again.

Surprisingly, it wasn't Team Seven that helped Kakashi regain a semblance of his humanity and his sanity. It was Maito Gai.

Kakashi had been staring at two familiar names on the Memorial Stone when he was startled from his memories by approaching footsteps. A man roughly his own age came bearing a small bouquet of daisies and wearing a hideously green spandex suit. The bowl cut of his hair and his blindingly white smile did nothing to ingratiate himself to Kakashi. Like many of his peers, Kakashi immediately dismissed Gai as a fool.

Kakashi can't quite remember the words they exchanged as Gai carefully laid his flowers at the foot of the stone. He only knows that he blithely insulted Gai without really thinking about it and suddenly found himself on the ground with a ringing in his ears and a scowling Maito Gai towering over his prone form.

Kakakshi sat up, rubbed his jaw, and then proceeded to beat the everliving green out of Gai.

Their battle lasted approximately 3 hours and near the end, Kakashi found himself eying his opponent with something akin to respect even as Gai lay propped against the ruined form of a training post, lips split, one eye blackened, and one arm broken. Kakashi was in just as bad a shape as the other shinobi, but he'd never admit it.

He's not quite sure why he does so, but he limps over to Gai, favoring his broken ankle, and bends down, silently offering the man a hand up. Gai hesitates a moment, peering into Kakashi's one exposed eye for what seemed like an eternity. He grinned suddenly, as if satisfied by what he found in Kakashi's gaze. Gai took Kakashi's hand.

"I forgive you!" Gai proclaimed in his boisterous manner, beaming and happy only as a child who has made a new friend could be.

They both limped to town, Gai loudly proclaiming that Kakashi's Hip and Cool manner would never temper Gai's own Power of Youth.

Gai gained an Eternal Rival that day.

Kakashi regained what made all Konoha shinobi great: a friend.

* * *

**Lend me your thoughts, guys. They make me happy.**


	9. What Dreams May Come

_**Ten Swords for Solace**_**  
A Xenocide Production**

AN: One more sword to go, dear readers. Suggestions are welcome, if you care to make them.

Enjoy and review…please?

Summary: A keen blade can be as soothing as a mother's lullaby. Unsheathe me, child, and I will sing for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Thank God.

* * *

9. In the Academy, the children are taught that dying for your village is the noblest and most glorious thing that any shinobi could ever hope to achieve. They are taught songs and rhymes that glorify past martyrs of Konoha, the valiant Senju, the steadfast Aburame, the wild Inuzuka, and yes, even the fierce Uchiha who loved their home and defended it unto their dying breath.

The boys longed to be as great as their heroes, to fight against unimaginable odds and somehow come out all right in the end. And even if they died in the course of battle, what was death but the chance to become gods in the shinobi's pantheon of deified dead? They lived and breathed the tales of the Wily Professor, their venerated Third Hokage, the Toad Sage Jiraiya, master of fuuinjutsu and as chivalrous as he was perverted, and the Fourth Hokage, the strongest shinobi of his generation and who made the ultimate sacrifice in the battle against the most heinous of all demons. Yes, being a hero was everything. And dying was even more.

The girls, well, they were short on heroes of their own ilk, but they nevertheless were inspired by the tales of tragic romance, sly and cunning female assassins, and women who could level mountains with a single blow of their fists. Who would not wish to be embroiled in a grand romance with a man worthy of their skills as shinobi and perhaps even die alongside them in battle, to be remembered as women of peerless skill, ferocious spirit, and boundless beauty? What girl would not wish to die in the arms of her lover, after avenging his death at the hands of his enemies? Who would not cherish the idea of being an idol to every little girl who ever dreamed that spilling blood was a glorious thing? Tsunade, the Slug Princess, became the pinnacle of every female shinobi's ambitions. No girl ever imagined that Tsunade had withstood more pain, seen more death, and spilled more tears than they could ever fathom getting to where she was.

Many children discovered far too late that the songs and stories they had been taught in the Academy were merely that: songs and stories. They did not aid you when the enemy had his hands around your throat, smiling grimly as he choked the breath from you. They did not ease the pain and bewilderment of the walking dead, disemboweled by a slicing blow of a kunai and vainly trying to stuff their insides back under their skin. They provided no comfort to the dying as their vision faded and they cried aloud for their mothers.

As Kakashi lay buried up to his shoulders in rubble, tired, defeated, the life ebbing from him in crimson droplets and waves of weariness, he fleetingly thought back to his childhood, before the death of his father, and marveled at how very much he wanted to **be **his father, the savior of a village, and a hero to his son. Sakumo never told his son war stories, but Kakashi had heard more than enough of them from his friends and his father's comrades. How splendid it would be, if the son could follow his father's footsteps, become a hero, and possibly perish defending the people and the village he loved.

But, as houses built of childish dreams and playing cards are wont to do, it all came crashing down when his father died in disgrace and dishonor. Kakashi's views of heroism and death were tarnished by the suicide of his father and with each successive death that he witnessed in the War.

Kakashi buried his idealism and his dreams with Obito's corpse, spat on his childhood when Rin became MIA, and he became an embattled soldier, desperate to keep himself, and perhaps what few comrades he could, from a cold grave. There was no glory in dying. There was no honor in killing. You fought for the soldier next to you and prayed that you lived to see the next day.

When his eyes began to droop for the final time, Kakashi's last thought was that he'd be damned if anyone sang any songs for him or told stories of his exploits. No child would die with Kakashi's name on their lips.

Kakashi blinked, and found himself a few paces away from a merry campfire and a familiar figure that sat upon a log, idly poking the coals with a stick. He hesitated for a long moment, then walked forward, finding his own seat on a log.

"Hello, father. I have a story I'd like to tell you. Please listen."


End file.
